Structure + Spirit = Wholeness

Many of my clients have done A LOT OF WORK before meeting with me. Whether it’s Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), various forms of performance coaching, inner-child work, new age shamanism, plant medicine ceremonies . . . the list goes on.

I resonate because I’ve been on the same journey. And what ends up happening is that some things do indeed get better, but the larger patterns, blockages, and problems remain. Clients who’ve done all this work come to me skeptical that Internal Family Systems is going to have a dramatically different impact.

But something new opens up as they get to relate to their inner world in this totally fresh way. What IFS does differently than most any other approach is it provides a structured framework for making sense out of noise and conflict in our internal world WHILE ALSO providing access to a spiritual, unpredictable, flow in our internal world. Most other approaches to “self-improvement” (i.e., therapy, coaching, retreats) provide only one side of this (and usually provide it inadequately).

For example, many conventional psychotherapy approaches like CBT or DBT provide “tools” for better thinking. By learning how to identify maladaptive thought processes like catastrophization or black-and white-thinking or closely tracking our moods and actions, we can more accurately assess what’s happening and plan actions that can better meet our needs and achieve our goals.

That sounds nice! And it is! But it gives us all structure and none of the spirit. And when these approaches bring in a sense of spirituality, it’s often as an add-on. It’s not fundamental to their model. But in IFS, even though it’s not always foregrounded, spirituality is absolutely integral to the entire model.

Without spirit, these conventional approaches simply end up making better manager parts inside of us. Yes, these manager parts can think and plan better, but they can never heal other parts. That can only be done through that deep core of spirit inside of us, what IFS refers to as Self.

And then there are approaches like new age shamanism and plant medicine journeys that are all spiritual with an ad hoc mix of structure, depending on the guide or community. These approaches can infuse us with new energy, life, and inspiration, but they’re always at risk of fizzling, getting side-tracked, or lost in confusion. Without the hard-earned therapeutic structure of the IFS model, spirit can’t consistently get a foothold in our internal world. Spirit comes and goes with big, peak experiences or random moments of grace.

If this sounds like a long promotional advertisement for IFS, then I guess I’m guilty as charge. I’m so consistently amazed by what the IFS model can do in people’s lives that I can’t help but come across as an evangelist.

I’ll add, however, that I have a new appreciation for how long IFS needs to be consistently practiced to heal deep wounds. It’s not just a few sessions. Our internal systems got the way they are over decades. Shifting them into a healed, integrated, and harmonious phase takes time. But I don’t know of any other practice that can do this so reliably and powerfully.