Who am I and what do I do?
I often have to answer this question (in groups I run, podcasts, intro coaching sessions, and webinars). And I always just list off the things I do throughout the week, the “hats I wear.” But I had a great conversation with a friend/client yesterday where she told me that I spread myself too thin and that I should focus more.
It got me thinking: what is at the core of every work-related thing I do? How could I describe the driving force that ties all these things together:
Internal Family Systems (IFS) emotional health coach
IFS relationship coach
IFS business coach
IFS group leader
IFS group program designer
Cofounder of a childhood cancer nonprofit
Emotional health program designer for a childhood cancer nonprofit
Breathwork facilitator
Psychedelic medicine guide/facilitator
Conscious dance DJ
Notably absent from this list is professor, researcher, or anything academically related. I was in graduate school or teaching/researching for 20 years of my life! It was so easy during those years to describe what I did (that is, if I didn’t go into the details of cultural geography or health behavior program design). And when I made the decision to leave (which was years before I actually did), I couldn’t describe to myself or anyone else what I was leaving academia for. I just knew in the depths of my heart that I couldn’t stay.
Carl Jung once wrote that the deep Self will never tell you what to do; it will only tell you what NOT to do.
And I’ve had the enormous privilege and great fortune to be able to follow that inner whisper: “No, not this. Not that either.” A part of me is almost crushed by the weight of my privilege and good fortune. I have started to pray again over the last few years using Anne Lamott’s simple “Help. Thanks. Wow.” prayer. It’s an inscrutable practice for me that nevertheless feels right; I could never believe in a monotheistic god that receives my prayers like some head of a divine cosmic HR department. Nevertheless, over time, my prayers have simplified to just “Thank you.” I try to add in “Wow” when I can.
Ok, so who am I and what do I do now? As for who I am, as best as I can tell I’m just like you: the particular manifestation of a divine universal consciousness that is experiencing itself through each individual bit of existence. As this particular manifestation (47-year-old, of mostly Northern European ancestry, cisgendered, hetero, male; born in Tucson, AZ, raised in the suburbs of Phoenix, nerdy enough to get two PhDs but not nerdy enough to stick in academia) it feels right, good, aligned, and healthy to live my life in a way that helps others arrive more fully into their particular manifestation.
When I am at my best, I’m a guide to help others become more of who they REALLY are. I do this through all the ways listed above.
I remember trying to describe this calling/desire/path years ago to my wife Audra. I think it came out kinda like this scene from Dazed and Confused.
But this calling is what drove me to leave geography and enter public health, and it’s what caused me to leave public health, and try to create a start up called Yes Collective, create emotional health programs, get trained in IFS and start coaching, DJ conscious dance events, and become a facilitator/guide for psychedelic-assisted personal growth.
So, that’s what I got. It’s the best that I can do right now. And it’s a profound honor to be able to do this work with all of my clients, program participants, and colleagues.
One client posted this testimonial below a few days ago on Facebook, and all I can feel is the deepest gratitude for being able to live this one precious life in the way that I’m living it now. For me, this is sacred work and there isn’t anything I’d rather be doing.
