What Do You Call It?

For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

- Walt Whitman

The deeper I get into the practice of Internal Family Systems (IFS), the more I realize that mental and emotional health are ultimately about that transcendent thing inside of us for which we don’t have a single name.

The founder of IFS and longtime IFS trainers call it Self (with a capital S), which is also what Carl Jung called it. But they also are not dogmatic about this naming. They say it’s the same thing that people mean when they say Spirit, Soul, True Self, Core, Source, Inner Light, Inner knowing, Atman, Ground of Being, and so on.

I had a coaching session last week where my client liked referring to at as “compassionate God-Witness within.” That works too! What all these names have in common is that they refer to something inside of us that is transcendent, which is to say, something that is larger than and not reducible to our mind, feelings, thoughts, or sensations.

What we all really want from mental and emotional health is a sense of calm, clarity, connection, and confidence. If you’re familiar with IFS then you know these are just a few of the “8 Cs” of Self. So, mental and emotional health is ultimately about creating more space inside of us for this thing, the Self/Soul/Spirit/Whatever-You-Want-To-Call-It.

It seems simple enough but it can be quite difficult because most (all?) of us grew up in families, communities, and societies that did not support the Self. Our strong parts had to rush in to protect and defend, as our sensitive parts held their pain in exile.

By the time we reach adulthood the clouds of our parts are completely covering up the sun of our Self.

I use mindfulness and somatic practices along with IFS, to help those clouds ease back. IFS is the real engine of the work I do because it shows how we can honor the uniqueness of our own internal systems and approach our parts in a sensitive, step-by-step fashion, slowly building safety and trust. Every time when this happens, our inner system realizes that it’s ok for these parts to ease back and let the Self begin to shine through.

And once Self/Essence/Source/Whatever-You-Want-To-Call-It gets space inside, amazing things start opening up: permanent healing, clarity over long-standing problems, addictions fade, relationships repair, physical health problems resolve.

Does this sound improbable? Too good to be true? I spent my entire life in academia and have two PhDs, an academic book and peer-reviewed papers to show for it. And so I have parts that cannot believe I’m writing a newsletter like this.

But the truth is I experience this inner source every day and in every session I have with clients. It’s as real as any other thing I’ve experienced. I see how it changes people’s lives and I’ve seen how it changes mine.

So, if you’ve experienced a source of transcendence inside of yourself, I’d love to hear what you call it. Send me an email and let me know!