Seven overly-simple steps to healing through IFS

As all heroic journeys do, this one begins in ignorance. It’s a necessary first step, otherwise we would simply stay put, basking in the light.

The healing journey in IFS begins with the ignorance of believing that our selfhood is composed of a unified, single, isolated mind. When I feel anger, “I” am angry. When I feel sad, “I” am sad. When I oscillate wildly between these, I feel crazy. “I” must be crazy.

Perhaps through chance, luck, or providence, I come across an IFS book or podcast, and maybe later an IFS therapist or coach.

Then I take step two . . .

The practice of IFS turns our attention inward to notice that we are not a mono-mind, but rather a collection of Parts, each with their own roles, needs, and feelings.

That revelation gives way to the recognition that it’s a crowded Parts-party in there! We begin to notice how our thoughts and feelings ping-pong from one part to the next. We need to get a little distance from all these Parts!

Thankfully, we take the next step . . .

Our IFS practice deepens as we learn how to unblend from Parts, asking some to relax back and give us a bit more room, and choosing to focus our attention on the Part that needs us most in that moment.

As we do this, there is now space for our deep, capital-S-Self, full of effortless compassion, curiosity, calmness, and more. We can now bring all that Self energy to the Part in distress.

From this Self-led place, we can take the next step . . .

From a Self-led place, we can help the Part see that the Self is expansive and whole and doesn’t need to be protected like when we were kids.

The Part eases up and the Self can then get to know it. The Part begins to share its role, history, dreams, and fears.

When we’ve built enough trust we’re allowed to go deeper to vulnerable, wounded parts where we can take the next step . . .

As we connect with a younger, more vulnerable, wounded Part we build a loving connection again that allows the Part to feel safe in being Witnessed.

Once a Part feels fully witnessed and understood, it can come out of the time and place it’s stuck in and into the present with the Self. Only then can it move to the next step . . .

Now that the Part has been witnessed and retrieved from the past, The Self can invite it to notice and release whatever burdens it’s been carrying from the past.

After the unburdening, the Part can now realize its own Self energy and take on a new, harmonious, and Self-led role in the person’s inner system.